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The User tehsandvich Asks

How do you add value? That seems difficult to me. I’m not funny or witty or charming or outgoing.

PerfectZ Responds

I’ve found this statement is never true, there’s always some value to be added, but I will play devil’s advocate here and assume you have no value transparent to you. Here are a few tips.

Value is anything that enriches the lives and experiences of those around you, and I like to describe it using Ralph Waldo Emerson.

“To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”

Sappy answer: Appreciating another person, being interested in their opinions and offering them opportunities to express their values provide a strong emotional value to most women. Having someone who is truly interested in them adds value. So simply caring about the people you talk to adds value.

Actionable answer: Style (author of The Game) used this opener called the Style’s EV routine stack, the idea was you try to find the girl’s values as quickly as possible by asking her a set of questions. I took this a step farther, and when I meet a set of two girls, I’d play a game. I would take out my business card and say tell me the three things that most positively describe your friend and write them down, and then I would ask the friends to guess what the other wrote was their favorite aspect of their friend. It’d be a fun little game where each girl got to compliment each other and stealthily tell me what was important to them. I used this game to decide what girls really felt were favorable traits, and what favorable traits I should focus on for myself. That gave me a good idea of how to frame myself abstractly to show very high value.

One thing I force my students to do is give me two events they want to go to that are interesting every month. When talking to women, the students ask the women’s opinion on the event and if they’ve been there. Sites like Creative Loafing… and Living Social have all kinds of events. Yet again comes to mind. Being a source of exciting local events adds value. Many times when the ladies hear of these events, the women will invite themselves out on these dates without the students asking. Ahh, the art of getting dates without even asking 🙂

Throw parties and host events. If you need party ideas, tell me and I’ll give you a bunch. Being the host of events or the guy to know adds a shit ton of social value.

Showing genuine interest by asking leading questions that show you care about the subject matter they are talking about. The easiest way for me to do this is to try to relate a topic to one of my hobbies or interests.

Lastly, being vulnerable and genuine adds a tremendous amount of value. It’s so rare that just being honest makes you a valuable friend… It’s super sad but it’s true.

Books and research: Yet again, read How to Win Friends and Influence People. Also read introduction to NLP (neurolinguistic programming), it explains value and rapport building pretty intensely.

Most importantly, research hobbies such as cooking, rock climbing, etc. In my case, I made karaoke part of my value add. I did not practice singing, I just knew where to go to do it… Regardless of skill level, anything you’re passionate about that you can share with another adds value.

Tony Robbins and Mark Manson used this concept called modeling where you try to copy the traits of the people you respect. I made an honest try to copy the characteristics of those I saw who were the most charismatic, up to even giving their hobbies a chance. That selection gave me tons of stories and ways to add value.